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 One liners

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Posts : 5469
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Join date : 2009-04-07
Age : 52
Location : TURN 1

PostSubject: One liners   Fri Apr 02, 2010 3:59 am

Just for facebook fans...

What makes a Man happy? Daughter on cover of Cosmo, Son on cover of Sports Illustrated, Mistress on the cover of Playboy & Wife on the missing persons list.

My girlfriend's leaving me cause of my so called bad habit's,I nearly choked on my toe nail !!!

I'm so happy I finally tied the knot......All I've got to do now is kick the chair away she's standing on and I'm free man!!!!

I took this girl out last night, she had a terrible stutter,by the time she got the word's out we should'nt , We already had !!!

I went to my girlfriend's funeral today, and met her parent's for the first time, what a co uple of miserable git's they were!!!

I bought a new wig made from bum hair....It keeps blowing off!!

My girlfriend said I never listen to her, at least that's what I thought she said!!!

Eat right,exercise daily,live cleanly, die anyway!!!!

What do you give a woman who has everything?...A man to show her how to work for it!!!

When a man steal's your girlfriend, there's no better revenge than letting him keep her!!!

I see a lot of women are using facebook,the dinner won't cook it's self girl's!!!

Men..how to impress women..love cuddle hug tease and listen....women ...how to impress men.... turn up naked with beer!!!!

The Japanese have invented a camera with a shutter speed so quick its able to photo a women with her mouth shut!!!

Just been down to my allotment , somebody keeps adding soil to my vegatable patch .... The plot thicken's

I've just bee diagnosed with an allergy to bacon, I hope it can be cured!!!!

He who laugh's last ,think's slower!!!

My girlfriend tries to act all posh, she talk's with my plumb's in her mouth!!!

I went to the Butchers today, He said I bet you cant reach those two bits of meat... I'm not betting on that. Why says he....Cause the steaks are to high!!

i was in the same butchers and he offered me 8 legs of venison for £20 , do you think its too dear ?????

It's not that men can't multi task, it's cause women can't prioritise!!!

I just saw a women getting into a car the wrong way.... through the driver's door???

I was asked to describe my life in a nut shell....Very dark and very cramped!!!

Fairy liquid have updated their advert's to depict modern britain, Mummy why are your hand's so soft ?...."Cause I'm fourteen ...now shut up and eat your pot noodle

Just got back from the barber's, Shaved and a haircut, My girlfriend said you look nice, you might get lucky tonite,I said i won't i'm not going out!!!

Last night my over weight Girl friend fell down the stair's, I thought it was Eastender's finishing!!!

How many Men does it take to open a can of lager, None it should be open before she gives it to you!!

I used to date an English teacher but she dumped me for improper use of the colon!!!
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